Life is constantly changing. Just as the four seasons nothing remains stagnant. The rules of the universe according thermal dynamics are that everything is in a constant process of transforming from an organised to an unorganised state.
Sometimes things fall apart and it seems like the end of the world but it’s not. Really it’s just the start of a new world, a new chapter in our lives.
Very recently my world felt like it was falling part. My marriage and 17 year relationship collapsed and has now officially ended. We (Kim & I) met when I was only nineteen years old, we were just kids. We viewed the world and each other through young eyes. As we aged we headed in different directions, formed different interests and this brought about much frustration, which is not a cool thing to display in front of young kids. And so with the best intentions to provide a happier home for our girls we amicably decided to separate with the theory that we’d be happier and thus our children would have parents with better happy heads fit to make good parenting decisions.
Its not been easy, as you’ve probably guessed from some of my previous posts I’ve been rather down of late, but we both agree its for the greater good. I’ve had people try to talk me out of it and then people telling me that we’ve put intelligence and thought into a very hard choice. We both hope that the kids will benefit with happier parents. I still love Kim, just in a different way to when I was 19. Over the last few years we’ve just found it challenging to live with each other without going mad.
The great thing is that instead of my kids seeing me work my butt off, they now get my undivided attention. We still go out for forest adventures, we love the seasonal tasks of foraging and gardening and eating the food thats in season and we spend time together with more love than ever. For this I’m grateful. I’ve been very fortunate to have a bunch of amazing friends, in fact we both have had great support. It’s hard times for that there is no doubt, but instead of living together and hating each other by the time we’re in our twilight years we now are back to being friends. Just like where we started off all those years ago when we had the best of intentions and a lifetime ahead of us. Why am I telling you such a personal matter? Well I figure I ought to be honest with the people that take the time to come visit. Isn’t that what friends do? And I know I’ll probably have some haters, well haters gonna hate. Lovers well….thats a different story. Love and striving for happiness is the driver in my world.
I just want to say thank you to all the amazing support and now wet shoulders that I’ve cried on. Some amazing people out there that have reached out to me. Kate, Juz, Margz, Ky, Kim, Cath, Joel, Em, Tone and Mum & Dad thanks and mad love.
So with the change in season we’ve moved on from summer harvesting of ripe tomatoes, beans and lettuce etc and moved back to wild mushrooms, chestnuts and starting to cook with the vegetables that I grew over summer. With the change of season we’ve noticed an abundance in end of summer insects like ladybugs and the fields are full of young rabbits, ducks and plump quail.
So guys the message is……life’s to short for anything BUT happiness.
My two girls are the most beautiful things in my world. I dearly love my time with them.
On a final note….I made the most divine pumpkin soup tonight for my new house family Kate & kids. Thanks for letting me stay! I’ll continue to cook for you as payment ;-)
Whole Larder Love 
I don’t think there could have been a better way to write about this – what a moving and powerful post.
Hugs & baci.
You’re a brave man Rohan, much respect and love from Coledale by the sea.
Best of luck to you.
Sucks that shit ends but good that you are finding a happier place. Been there and done that myself, find whatever works for you and your girls and you won’t go wrong. I recommend home brewing as an escape
Change can lead to better things. You have a good head on your shoulders and that should help you navigate. Best wishes to all of you.
Things do fall apart. And from the bottom, built back. My marriage too, ended some years ago now. It was the hardest yet best decision of my life, to both marry and divorce. You discover what you’re made of through these times…keep on keeping on…
Things do fall apart. But they are put back together, eventually — and new things are discovered, and are stronger for the process. I too went through a divorce a few years back. One of the hardest yet best decisions of my life. Keep on keeping on…the hill is steep, but it’s climbable.
My heart goes out to you and your family.
Rohan, moral support vibes from a total stranger across the world probably aren’t worth all that much, but nevertheless hope you come through this strong and happy. I married a man who got a divorce only when he believed his kids would be better off seeing him happy, and maybe even in a healthy, functioning marriage, and time has proved him right.
This is always a very difficult change especially with kids involved, but coming from the “child’s” point of view, I can tell you that it’s probably going to be a decision you won’t regret, nor will your kids. I lived through and continue to be with parents who have stayed together despite having constant disagreements and tension. Throughout my childhood, I wished they would separate because I knew things would be more peaceful and happy. Anyways, wishing you much joy and fulfillment in this new chapter of your life!
Coming from the “child’s” point of view, I can tell you that you will not regret this decision. My parents, despite all of their disagreements and tension, have stayed together, but when I was a child, I often wished they would separate. I wanted them to be happy and I knew that it couldn’t happen if they stayed together. With that, I wish you much joy and fulfillment in this new chapter!
Sorry to heat about that Rohan. Chin up, and take comfort in the fact your kids have still got 2 very loving parents, whether they’re together or not won’t matter.
The way that you wander is the way that you choose.
Best of luck to you Rohan
Good luck with the changes and adjusting, esp. for your girls.
sending love x
You are very brave to make such a difficult choice. I’m glad you’re getting plenty of quality time with your adorable girls. Wishing you all the best.
Natalie
Doing what you know to be the right thing in your heart and head despite what others may think can often be the hardest thing of all.
Hang in there Ro.
Sorry to hear about your marriage – that must’ve been a very tough decision, and a very brave one made by both of you. Chin up and soilder on as “they” (whoever “they” are).
Thankyou for the beautiful trust you show in sharing your story this way. I’m glad to hear your finding a way forward that you all feel is best for all of you.
Sending love n prayers( if that’s not offensive) for your all families happiness and peace and wellbeing from a stranger in Melbourne who cares.
Shalom
Selby
It takes a brave person/people to make such decisions. A lot of people would stay with the status quo and live miserable lives. Here’s to change and future happiness.
Gorgeous pics.
My parents told me a few years ago that if they hadn’t separated ways when they did (when I was 9), my brother and I would now have some positively gigantic emotional issues. I trust this is true. At the end of the day, happiness, love and health are what make the world go ’round.
Really appreciate your honesty Ro. You’re a wise soul, mate, and I wish nothing but the best for you, your girls and Kim. It’s never a bad move to put kids first.
Ironic that you made pumpkin soup last night. As I write, I’m breathing in the heady goodness of a big pot of the orange stuff bubbling away on the stove. Life is life, and it goes on.
Thanks you friends! It’s been wonderful to get all this support!
Each day gets a little bit better. And the process is a lot easier when there is a strong support network behind us.
Mad Love
To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless–it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. – C.S.Lewis
Keep on with your mad lovin’ … in all its shapes and guises.
Your blog is an absolute beauty. Visiting is always such a pleasure.
Rohan, been following you for a while. Is Kate the lucky new woman in your life, and are you going to be the main carer of your kids? Can’t quite figure that out from your post. Best of.
As a child of a ‘broken’ home, of parents who initially stayed together ‘for the kids’, I can tell you I value the tough decision you’ve made. Children prefer happy single parents over unhappy married parents. They see more than you think and while they appreciate that you’re trying hard to make things work, eventually they end up wondering why you continue doing things that just make yourselves unhappy. We can learn a lot from the in the moment living of children. You’re right, life is too short to be unhappy. I wish the best for you and your family on this new life story.
I left my partner last summer. It was tough, but still great to finally do it after having thought about it for years.
I have been so much happier these months. I wish you all the best!
Brave post mate and you’re right, happy parents raise happy kids. Hope things work out well for you.
Phill
ps; beautiful images as always.
Ro, I have nothing other than the greatest respect for you. You are a rare breed my friend. Your girls, Kim included will always love you, as we do.
Condolences.
15 months after my own separation (and eventual divorce) I can say that the personal growth and discovery has been worth it, even though it’s still not easy. I wish you luck, patience, good friends and resilience.
My heart goes out to you Rohan. Like many people posting here I have experienced a major breakup too, including with someone that was my ‘first’ and major love, and it hurt for a long time, but it was absolutely the right thing to do to grow. I found doing things to remind myself of who I am (as distinct from the ‘partnership’) in small ways, exactly the kind of growing/cooking/photography things that you do all the time, was really helpful. It’s the small things that get you through. And those beautiful children, of course. xx
Brave and beautiful Rohan. Thanks for being so open and honest. Gorgeous images – especially of the girls holding hands.
BZ mate
I’m sorry you’ve been down, but it sounds like you both made a good decision. I come from a divorced family, and sometimes I wonder if I’d have been better off if it had happened when I was younger rather than in high school. The fighting and silent treatments were miserable to watch. It’s nice that now you have uninterrupted time with your girls. It’s time that you’ll cherish. Glad that you sound more content and relieved from getting this off your shoulders.
By the way, that’s one HUGE pinecone!
Life moves in mysterious directions sometimes. You get to a fork in the road and it really tests you mentally and emotionally. Take some time out, find a place that puts you at ease and put aside a little list of things you would like to achieve in the next year. Then look back 12 months later and be amazed by how far you’ve come. All the best.
(Kind of) new reader here. I was touched by your post and your honesty. Coming from a childhood of waring parents I applaud the grand choice you have made and your constant search for happiness. I have two words to offer up in wisdom: breathe well.
today I drove home from my parents house after easter lunch, with my husband and two young girls. I have a thing about clouds and there aren’t many days when I don’t gaze at the formations and utter aloud “those clouds are gorgeous” for every time they are, utterly, in different ways. today it set me off for some reason, wondering if someone can ever really know you. it’s not that my husband said anything, it’s that he didn’t marvel at me, at my rapture in that moment. it may sound silly, but some times its the small things, rather than the big, that highlight your distance or differences. I wondered then if anyone can ever really know you, if it’s possible, or whether you would just spend your whole life looking for something .. I’m sorry for your loss, really, but glad to know you feel optimistic about your future, about your girls and all life will be from here on.
Thats lovely Victoria. It tends to be the little things that add up over time that make us so distant. Some times it works. Then some times not.
Enjoy cloud gazing, one of my favourite ways to find peace too.
Just keep on cookin’ on…
I have been reading along for a few months now and just wanted to say I am so sorry to hear about the end of your relationship. I would second all that Lucy and NG said about children preferring two happy but separated parents than unhappy and fighting parents.
Wishing you lots of strength and support as you navigate this new stage. It sounds like you have a wonderful support network.
The forest photos are are absolutely stunning and I just love the photos of your girls.
Sorry to read what’s happening for your family because even if in time it is the best decision for all there’s a lot of deep emotional terrain to cover in the process. I’m fairly new to blogging and have only visited here fromtime to time but there’s a post that stands out in my mind, one where you posted a photograph of a beautiful cabin that you were dreaming of. It stood out because even as wonderful as being part of a family can be, we each need to nurture our individual self so we can be part of the whole. And yes I agree with all the comments your photography is beautiful! May you enjoy solace in your cooking and creating.
Smoochies to you and your little family. Wishing that everyone/everything finds its natural place and that you all find happier days very soon. xxx
Thanks Pip! It’s getting better with each new day!
Hi Rohan, haven’t read you in a while so I am going back to the posts I’ve missed (a privilege which I accord only to my must-read blogs- yours is at the top of the list!) so- I am aghast. But I agree with everything that you wrote and I truly admire your perspective and the way you chose to see things. You are so right-life is too short indeed, for anything other than hapiness. Good luck Rohan, I’ll be reading you. :-)